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If only I had a stupid time machine...[part 1]

 - Brian

Yesterday, I was violently forced to view the (in my opinion) infamous Shakespeare play (in movie format), Macbeth. While trying to comprehend the utter borocity* of this movie, I thunked to myself, "If I had a time machine, I would go back to the early 80s and stop the production of this horrible film." And then I took it a step further and thought, "...Or maybe I could stop Shakespeare from becoming a play writer!"

Ha ha! I'm a genius! Anyway, I continued to think about the numerous things I could prevent from ever occurring if I only had a time machine:

Shakespeare What a jackball. Who ever knew some one would write thousands of freakishly boring plays that every teenager in the word would be forced to study. To put it bluntly, Shakespeare is an evil genius. He has managed to confuse countless teens with his stupid Elizabethan English and nonsense play plots.

Cell phones I'd have to say that cell phones are man's most annoying creation. They're everywhere! The most annoying thing about cell phones is this: I can't distinguish a crazy bum from a dude on a cell. I mean, seriously, you see random people waddling down the street muttering to themselves. You think, "Oh no, here comes a crazy!" When all of a sudden, you see they’ve got a cell phone. Oh, and girls, if you answer a cell phone while I'm in your presents one more time, I'm going to shove it down your throat.

Metallica If I could go back in time and dispose of Metallica before they became insanely popular, the radio would be a better place. Every time I turn on KISW (the best station ever) hoping to hear some Rage Against the Machine or Linkin Park, all I freaking get is METALLICA! STOP -- NOW! METALLICA SUCKS! All their songs sound the same, and the vocals butcher whatever musical decency they've ever owned. Blah!

stay tuned of Part 2, yo.

*you can make yourself sound smarter by adding the suffix "city" to any word. "If only I had a stupid time machine...[part 1]"...


Rita Sucks

 - Brian

Actually, she blows...Literally.

Anyway, Rita has been the lamest hurricane in the history of my opinions. Fox News has been ignoring countless (and more significant) news stories because of Rita. For the last 5 days, I've had to put up with "Rita is now a category 5 -- no, wait, now it's a 3. No, it's going here...Wait, no, it's actually going there." AAAARRRHHGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!
Anyway, I figured, "Oh, well, after it wipes out Texas, there will at least be some interesting news..." And guess what?! NOTHING HAPPENED. Countless hours of "this is going to be a big one" ended with a few trees and billboards collapsing. Oh boy, massive devastation.
Listen, if you're going to have a hurricane that takes up the news for days, then it better be good. There has to be destruction, chaos, and thousands of people screaming for help! HAHAHAHA!



Lies I have told people.

 - Brian

Here's a list of deliberate lies I have told people over the last 6 months:
NOTE: Following the lie, I will tell you what I was actually thinking.

I'll get that done ASAP I'll never get that done but I say I will to make myself sound responsible.

Nice haircut It looks like crap.

I completely agree Your opinion viciously sucks but I'll agree anyway to avoid a fight.

Is it just me or have you lost weight? You fat lard, you haven't lost a pound. Get off the pizza and marshmallow diet, please!

No, she's ugly. Any guy who thinks she's hot is a pansy No, actually she's gorgeous, but I want her all to myself.

I wouldn't want to offend anyone If you weren't such a PC freakshow, I'd offend everyone within a 100-mile radius.

Cool shoes What were you smoking when you bought those?

I guess that rock band's okay... No, they stink more than your haircut, but I don't feel like getting into an argument.

AC/DC sucks No, they are the epitome of suckage. They suck more than a black hole. They suck so much that L:FKJLSERJ:LKJGLSKJGLKJSDLKJldkjafljkdlks!!!!

I just finished an interview with THE Michael Moore over the phone. I'll post that later. "Lies I have told people."...



 - Brian

UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "UPDATE"...


Something for Cow...

 - Brian

Just an idea for the logo...

~jackball. "Something for Cow..."...


Fashion sucks.

 - Brian

What the -? Is it now officially a national requirement to completely discard your individuality? Obviously -- at least that's what I've gathered from my fellow teenagers. It seems everyone now thinks it's cool to dress the same...for whatever reason. I blame it all on the stupid "Dress cool 4 back 2 school" garbage that clothing companies are trying to push. Man...

Anyway, I've concocted a list of fashion trends that thoroughly tick me off:

Anything Goth - First off, goths suck. They sit around all day cutting themselves and whining about the pain. They also write crappy poetry. Anyway, I'm sick and tired of seeing these goths pacing around with black lines painted all over their faces. Also, stop wearing striped pants. You look like freaks, and most of society rejects freaks (and they wonder why they’re rejected?).

Semi-goths - I have no idea what this style of dress is called. I'll describe it to you so that you have a general idea what I'm ranting about: Once in a while, you'll see these really tall guys walking around in short, black shirts, sparkly belts, and uber (I love that word) straight jeans. They also tend to wear glasses with funny looking frames...
Anyway, it looks retarded.

Flip-flops - Now listen, girls, I can understand wearing flip-flops to a beach on a hot summer day. But c'mon now, STOP WEARING THEM EVERY WHERE!!! I was forced to go to some local parade today, and about 60% of the girls were wearing flip-flops! And on top of that, it was like -15 degrees out there, seriously! Cut it out, it's not hot.

white-boy hip-hop - You're not black, so stop dressing like you are. I laugh every time I see these clowns waddling down the street (they waddle cuz' their pants are falling down). You don't even look street, you honestly look like clowns! You know, red shoes, overly baggy pants, huge vests, phony bling...etc. You're not Eminem, so pull up your pants, take off the doo rags, AND ACT NORMAL!

Glad that's out of my system! If you were angered by my criticism of your fashion, I'm sorry...oh wait, no I'm not. "Fashion sucks."...


It's all God's fault!

 - Brian

Do you think Ms. Katrina was God's doing? If so, give me your thoughts...
I doubt it, though...

(I swear, this is the last Katrina related post I'm ever going to make...) "It's all God's fault!"...


Do you people have ANY decency?

 - Brian

****it! I'm outraged!! At who?! AT THE MORONS SHOOTING at SUPPLY helicopters!! You idiots! I couldn't be that stupid even if I tried. SHOOTING at the only help you might have for a long time? What the (insert profanity here)- ?

If you have had access to a paper, a TV, or a friend in the last week, then you've heard about the MURDERS taking place in the Superdome -- and RAPES!
For once, I actually thought that the American victims would join together and help each other out. I guess I was dreadfully incorrect. C'mon, people? How does murdering and violating women help the situation? Oh wait, it doesn't. Fools.


This is going out to all the fine police officers "helping" New Orleans. First off, stop trying to prevent looters from stealing. Looters are the last thing you should worry about. Besides, in case you haven't noticed, PEOPLE NEED FOOD, CLOTHS, AND WATER. Just give it up.
This message also applies to the news media. Stop making big crap out of the looting. It's for the people's own good. Besides that, the majority of the products are gunna go to waste anyway, in which case, it would be pointless trying to keep the people from the food and cloths.
Sorry if my use of basic logic confused you; I know its hard trying to think in times of chaos. Trust me, I'd be making the same mistakes if I were you...NOT!!!

...And yes I'm angry! "Do you people have ANY decency?"...



 - Brian

Dang. This ain't no good.

I was just thinking, you hear about disasters in other countries frequently, but chances are, you rarely give a hoot about it. "Oh well, sucks for them."

...But when something disastrous happens here in the US, its pretty much shocking.

I wonder...

Remember when millions of countries (including of course, the US), aided the tsunami victims not too long ago? Remember all the rock bands like Green Day (one of the crappiest bands around) had their little "tsunami relief" concerts?
Well, where are all the countries supporting us now? Where are all the relief concerts now (chances are Green Day blames this all on Bush)?
Think about that... "Dang..."...


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