If only I had a stupid time machine...[part 1]

 - Brian

Yesterday, I was violently forced to view the (in my opinion) infamous Shakespeare play (in movie format), Macbeth. While trying to comprehend the utter borocity* of this movie, I thunked to myself, "If I had a time machine, I would go back to the early 80s and stop the production of this horrible film." And then I took it a step further and thought, "...Or maybe I could stop Shakespeare from becoming a play writer!"

Ha ha! I'm a genius! Anyway, I continued to think about the numerous things I could prevent from ever occurring if I only had a time machine:

Shakespeare What a jackball. Who ever knew some one would write thousands of freakishly boring plays that every teenager in the word would be forced to study. To put it bluntly, Shakespeare is an evil genius. He has managed to confuse countless teens with his stupid Elizabethan English and nonsense play plots.

Cell phones I'd have to say that cell phones are man's most annoying creation. They're everywhere! The most annoying thing about cell phones is this: I can't distinguish a crazy bum from a dude on a cell. I mean, seriously, you see random people waddling down the street muttering to themselves. You think, "Oh no, here comes a crazy!" When all of a sudden, you see they’ve got a cell phone. Oh, and girls, if you answer a cell phone while I'm in your presents one more time, I'm going to shove it down your throat.

Metallica If I could go back in time and dispose of Metallica before they became insanely popular, the radio would be a better place. Every time I turn on KISW (the best station ever) hoping to hear some Rage Against the Machine or Linkin Park, all I freaking get is METALLICA! STOP -- NOW! METALLICA SUCKS! All their songs sound the same, and the vocals butcher whatever musical decency they've ever owned. Blah!

stay tuned of Part 2, yo.

*you can make yourself sound smarter by adding the suffix "city" to any word.