...I'll start another topic. Well, actually, I was planning to write about the recent happenings in my life. So here goes:
One day, I was walking my dog when a clearly liberal woman walked past (you can tell because they always look stuck up). Richard, my disgruntled dog, looked up at me and said,
"She’s clearly liberal. Do something about it." So I picked up a rock and threw it at her.
"OUCH!!" she shouted.
"You deserved it, hag." I said.
"You are a rude little boy!"
"Quiet or I'll burn your house down." I said.
"Is that a threat?! I'm calling the cops." she remarked has she whipped out her cell phone.
I replied with,
"Oh no you not, foo'!!" and then I had Richard attack her while I disabled her cell phone through brute force.
"AAAHHHGGGGGGGG!!!" I screamed, "get this **** dog off me."
Of course the shrill scream alerted some neighbors that happened to be living around the area. As soon as I was done forcing her to convert to conservativism, another liberal hag ran out (blatantly feminist).
Observing the glorious catastrophe, she then phoned the police before I had a chance to disarm her.
"$&%#@!" I said, "Now I'm really screwed!"
Suddenly 3 police cars came shooting around the street corner with sirens blazing. Of course I had to think fast.
"C'mon, Brian, you can think of something!" I thinkeded.
"I know! I'll reach into the pocket of my pants and see what I have!"
As I peered inside my pocket, I recognized a familiar object lurking in the shadows.
"A napalm grenade! Yes!" I exclaimed.
I whipped out the deadly weapon of doom, removed the pin, and quickly chucked it in front of the oncoming police cars.
"BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!" the explosion shouted.
Everything went up in flames. The smoke was unimaginably thick. Suddenly, I heard the familiar sound of gunshots. They seemed to be originating from behind the wall of thick smoke.
I caught a bullet right in my left arm.
"ARRRGGGHHHH!!" I screamed.
The only thing left to do was make a run for it before the cops emerged from behind the smoke. Richard suggested that I should retreat to a near by beach, so I could hide in the sand. I agreed that that would be the most practical thing to do.
We ran, and ran, and ran, until we reached the beach. By this time, my shirt was drenched with blood, thus slowing my progress. I ripped off my shirt. Bad Idea. Girls everywhere were suddenly chasing me around because I'm so darn handsome (I don't blame them, if I was a chick, I'd want a piece of me too). I managed to slow time with my uber-cool time watch to so I could buy time for myself.
One of the girls accidentally stepped on my uber-cool watch and desecrated it. Of course, I was only half covered in sand at this point, so the SWAT team and the army spotted me. Ironically, the army was commanded by Michael Moore himself, one of the biggest liberals in the history of man. I had to think fast. Viola! I picked up the me-hungry females surrounding me (who else matters?) and hurled them at Michael Moore and the soldiers around him (what else are girls good for?). Unfortunately, I was half way across the beach when -- Click here to read conclusion.
Ooops! Gotta go.