Oh, C.R.U.D!

 - Brian

Greetings friends and enemies, today I will be sharing an email I got from my good friend, Professor Richard Dipshnit. Dipshnit is a pet psychologist who has written many books, such as “Knee Deep In Dipshnit”, “Inside the Mind of an Animal”, and “Animals And Retards: What’s the Difference?”. Well, anyway, in
this email, he talks about an organization he has recently formed named, “Cats Really Understand Dialogue” AKA “C.R.U.D”. Yes, I too realize that Dipshnit goes *WAY* out of his *way* to offend people, but still, I think it is necessary to post his emails so that the world knows what kinds of people there are out there.

Here it is:




Brian,



I have recently formed an organization known as Cats Really Understand Dialogue A.K.A, C.R.U.D. Now, C.R.U.D is all about trying to prove that cats are super intelligent being bent on taking over the world and ruling it with an “iron paw”, so to speak.

C.R.U.D needs all the support it can gain from ordinary people who also believe that cats are as intelligent as humans in this world (like myself). So far, we have not gained much support from local and political people. Every time I make a public speech (representing C.R.U.D), I am booed out of town with in the first 5 minutes of my talk. I find this very demoralizing and depressing. Some times I just feel like I want to…well, hurt an animal. I’m not a violent person, but sometimes depression does that to me.
In previous letters, I have brought up the subject of dogs plotting against mankind, but I’ve thought about that scenario and have come to relies that that is a little far-fetched. Using the process of elimination, I have determined that cats are the only animal most likely to take over the world. If you take some time to look at an ordinary house cat, you will notice the calm, intelligent look on their face, suggests that they are plotting something…well…a little evil. Now you may think I’m some sort of nut, but when you think about it, cats are a little more specious that dogs.
Wait a minute, that’s what they want you to think! DOGS AND CATS ARE WORKING TOGETHER!! Why didn’t I think of that before? I just now thought up a new theory: what if cats look suspicious just to draw attention away from dogs so that DOGS CAN TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!! How could I have been so blind?

This has inspired me to start on a new book titled, “The Dog and Cat Conspiracy”.

Dipshnit


“The Dog and Cat Conspiracy”? That’s just wrong.
You know, I’m still trying to figure out why I even post these dumb emails. They seem so corny. Well, I think that’s the last time I post a Dipshnit email, that’s for sure!