Animal Trouble...

 - Brian

It has come to my attention that there are some subjects in life that would not be suitable discussing in public. Well, the following topic is one of these subjects. But that is all right. For the weblog you are currently reading is all about discussing things not suitable for discussing in public.

It has also come to my attention that there are some things in life that need to be stopped. A week or two ago, I was chatting with my good friend, Professor Dipshnit. Now, before I go on any farther, I would like to say that Prof. Dipshnit is a daily visitor to my blog and has written many articles on pet psychology and has also written a few books. One of his latest books is “In the Mind of an Animal.” I do not believe he is referring to his own mind, but one can never tell.
Ok, back to the subject. Well, Dipshnit is now considering beggining a new book called, “Negative Effects on Your Animals.” Sounds interesting, huh? He was telling me his theory on why some animals commit acts of felony. Now, when Prof. Dipshnit talks about animal felony, he is referring to cases such as dogs attacking other dogs or people, birds vandalizing cars and sidewalks and other such matters. He thinks that most cases of violent acts committed by dogs, are the fact that the owner is exposing him to inappropriate things on Television or on the radio. He believes that if the owner were to kennel his dog and drape a blanket over the kennel before he watches inappropriate TV, less of these mauling would happen. I agree with his theory.

The following is an email I received from the Professor two weeks ago:

Hello Brian,

I have researched in to this animal matter even farther then I had hoped to. In the last month or two, I’ve been conducting a survey on how many people watch violent or adult films in front of their dogs. ¾ of the people said they did. The people that did said that their dogs had at least two violent or sexual assaults on people. This is evidence that movies and TV shows have effects on our animals. Sadly enough, the stupid little critters only pick up on the immoral stuff than the good, educational stuff. Sounds sort of like kids, huh? Hey, I just thought up a new theory! People evolved from dogs!! I’m a genus.

Ok, back to the subject. I also asked the people what movies were they watching before these incidents accrued. ½ of them said that they were watching “Where the Red Fern Grows” and “All Dogs Go to Hell.” I personally think that these movies can have stressing psychological effects on your pets, more specifically, dogs.
Not only does TV and Movies have effects on your dogs, but music is also a big problem. I went around LA asking teenagers who own vicious dogs, what sort of music they listen to. ½ of them said they listen to rap. More specifically, Eminem. Others said they listened to Maryellen Manson, but personally, I prefer Eminem.
I think video games also a negative effect on dogs. Last week, I was over at my brother’s house watching my nephew play “Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.” Alas, I was not the only person watching the game. By the way, Vice City is a very violent immoral game in which you go around murdering innocent people, running over old ladies with cars, and making deals with drug lords. I hate the horrible game. Besides, I already beat it two times I a row.
Well anyway, while I was watching this, I noticed my nephew’s dog watching with an evil look in his eye. The next morning, I received a phone call from my brother telling me that their dog had stolen their car and drove off somewhere.

Well Brian, that proves that something must be done about this evil matter.

Your friend,

Dipshnit


Well, that was an interesting email. So if you have any input on this matter, please give your thoughts. If something is not done, more people will get mauled and dogs will take over the world!