All my friends have Comcast or Verizon. I wish I had those services,
unfortunately my parents don’t want to pay a thousand dollars a month for
Comcast, and I can’t get Verizon where I live. My friend Ivan can get it and
he lives up the street from me. That just supports my theory that Satan
wants to make my life a living hell. I believe that every time I’m on the phone with Verizon, I’m actually speaking to the Devil.
I wish dial-up would explode and cease to exist. Dial-up hates me as well.
Every time I want to play Halo online, it decides to lose connection just as
I’m about to make a headshot. That infuriates me.
Sometimes I tell my friends I’ll email them stuff ASAP but I can’ t get online
because my mom’s expecting an important phone call. And for some
reason, my mom’s expected phone calls never seem to come. So there I
am…waiting…waiting to dial-up. And then…and then I hear the phone ring,
but it isn’t the expected phone call. So then I wait some more – my mind is
suddenly immersed in thoughts of death and murder. I want to hurt
something…something innocent and helpless. And then it comes. The
phone rings, and it’s the long expected phone call. “Yes!” I think to myself.
“I can finally connect!” As I click the shinny silver “connect” button, an error pop-up appears. It reads, “Error 8950-043 -- Unable to get a dial tone.” And
then it occurs to me that my mom is still talking…talking…talking. Will the talking ever cease? Will this metaphorical hell I’m in ever end? Soon after I
finish contemplating my predicament, she hangs up. “Now’s my chance!” I
think to myself. So then I click the shinny silver button once more. As my finger lifts from the left mouse button, I am faced with an ear-shattering demonic stream. “That must be the little hellish voices inside the modem.” I think to myself. “Oh well. It will soon be over.”
But it never stops. It keeps going – on and on…it keeps on screaming, “Grrrrr—eeewwrrrr---rwrwrwrwrrrrrrr!!” At this point, I am on the verge of a mental breakdown, when suddenly – suddenly it stops. “Thank God.” I think to myself.
I breathe heavily as I double-click on the Internet Explorer icon. “Yes,” I mumble quietly, “I’m almost there!” A window appears. It is blank at first,
but then the toolbar buttons begins to appear – one by one. Soon, the
toolbar has completed loading. Now, I am confronted with a white screen
(plus the toolbar). Why? Why isn’t it loading? Why must I wait any longer? Is this my computer’s sick idea of justice? So I wait. 5 minutes go by.
Nothing. 7 minutes go by. Still nothing. 10 minutes go by and I’m still staring at blinding whiteness. Why must I linger in this place of perpetual nothingness? Why, why, why? Wait! What’s this? Something’s appearing
on the screen! “Page cannot be displayed?” NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
*Explodes*