All my friends have Comcast or Verizon. I wish I had those services,
unfortunately my parents don�t want to pay a thousand dollars a month for
Comcast, and I can�t get Verizon where I live. My friend Ivan can get it and
he lives up the street from me. That just supports my theory that Satan
wants to make my life a living hell. I believe that every time I�m on the phone with Verizon, I�m actually speaking to the Devil.
I wish dial-up would explode and cease to exist. Dial-up hates me as well.
Every time I want to play Halo online, it decides to lose connection just as
I�m about to make a headshot. That infuriates me.
Sometimes I tell my friends I�ll email them stuff ASAP but I can� t get online
because my mom�s expecting an important phone call. And for some
reason, my mom�s expected phone calls never seem to come. So there I
am�waiting�waiting to dial-up. And then�and then I hear the phone ring,
but it isn�t the expected phone call. So then I wait some more � my mind is
suddenly immersed in thoughts of death and murder. I want to hurt
something�something innocent and helpless. And then it comes. The
phone rings, and it�s the long expected phone call. �Yes!� I think to myself.
�I can finally connect!� As I click the shinny silver �connect� button, an error pop-up appears. It reads, �Error 8950-043 -- Unable to get a dial tone.� And
then it occurs to me that my mom is still talking�talking�talking. Will the talking ever cease? Will this metaphorical hell I�m in ever end? Soon after I
finish contemplating my predicament, she hangs up. �Now�s my chance!� I
think to myself. So then I click the shinny silver button once more. As my finger lifts from the left mouse button, I am faced with an ear-shattering demonic stream. �That must be the little hellish voices inside the modem.� I think to myself. �Oh well. It will soon be over.�
But it never stops. It keeps going � on and on�it keeps on screaming, �Grrrrr�eeewwrrrr---rwrwrwrwrrrrrrr!!� At this point, I am on the verge of a mental breakdown, when suddenly � suddenly it stops. �Thank God.� I think to myself.
I breathe heavily as I double-click on the Internet Explorer icon. �Yes,� I mumble quietly, �I�m almost there!� A window appears. It is blank at first,
but then the toolbar buttons begins to appear � one by one. Soon, the
toolbar has completed loading. Now, I am confronted with a white screen
(plus the toolbar). Why? Why isn�t it loading? Why must I wait any longer? Is this my computer�s sick idea of justice? So I wait. 5 minutes go by.
Nothing. 7 minutes go by. Still nothing. 10 minutes go by and I�m still staring at blinding whiteness. Why must I linger in this place of perpetual nothingness? Why, why, why? Wait! What�s this? Something�s appearing
on the screen! �Page cannot be displayed?� NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
*Explodes*