Houses have to burn, tanks have to be destroyed, armies have to clash, people have to die.
2 - It should get to the action after 3 & 1/2 pages (unlike Lord of the Rings in which the first 80 pages talk about Hobbit Land).
Too many books spend too much time talking about irrelevant facts and not enough time describing destruction.
3 - It can't be Harry Potter.Last time I checked, broomsticks don’t constitute as destruction.
4 - It has to have a lot of pictures.
Most books expect you to “imagine” all the crap. Why can’t they just give you pictures and save your brainpower?
5 - No feminist crap. The hero can't be a chick. When's the last time a chick saved the world?
Seriously, name one point in history where a chick saved a country (through force)? Or a city (through force)? Or even a town (through force)? Why do you think Super girl was Superman’s useless sidekick?
6 - It can't be more than 250 pages.
Some books just go on, and on, and on. I’m reading a freaking book, not the Holy Bible. Destruction is good, but it has to end sometime.
7 - It can't be a long boring mystery.
Mysteries suck. That’s why I just skip to the end so I can get to the point and not waste my life reading 251 pages of boringness.
8 - It has to use big words like, "destruction."
I’m a man of great intelligence. I want my books to contain sophisticated, 8syllable words.
9 - It has to be politically incorrect. That means that women die, children die, gays die, old people die, and the hero is black.
Too many books are afraid to kill of women, children, and minorities. I say kill them all. Oh, and the hero has to be perpetrator of the deaths. Oh, and the hero’s black. I’m sick of all the heroes being white. Heck, where are all the Mexican heroes? Or Chinese heroes for that matter?
10 - Last but not least, it can't have some ridiculous liberal message at the end. The last words of the book shouldn't be, "Thus, the world learned to respected the trees and water nymphs."
Holy snap! I’m so sick and tired of reading these bias books with some stupid touchy-feely anti-war/environmental message at the end.
